Living in Second Life

Having done the things I am doing for more than 2 years, I am beginning to feel like living in an entirely new life, a second one. The absence of my wife, completely changed my routine as compared to when she was still around. Starting my day with fajar prayer then prepare breakfast for the children, send them to school and childcare, go to work, fetch the children home, have dinner, oversee their school work, led them to bed, do some house chores or office work before I go to bed and the next day going through the same routine, sometimes feeling very exhausted if some of the things I did were intensive. I sometimes cook for the family during weekends. I used to do these things when my wife was still around doing them with her, mostly helping her out unlike now which I have to dutifully perform these acts all by myself. I am more or less settled with the new routine, making adjustments along the way for my children and I to get the best of situation. I am feeling somewhat pleased with my children's development, although I am not sure what are their inner thoughts and feelings living without a mother at a very young age, especially my last 3 sons (5, 7 & 13 years old at the time of the fatal accident). From time to time, I missed so much of my previous married life environment, always looking forward to be home in the comfort of my dearest wife. These days, I am always looking forward to the weekends and holidays so that I can spend quality time with my children. Weekdays are very hectic for us, with schools and work.

I pray that should Allah destined me the second chance in marriage, He will bless me with a righteous woman like my late wife (May Allah blessed her soul and grant her paradise).

I read a book on the islamic way of life series by As-Shaik Muhammad Ali al-Hashimi and find it very interesting on the islamic view of marriage and woman. I like to quote from the book the following for the benefits of those who read this subject of my blog.

"Marriage in Islam offers tranquillity to the soul and peace to the mind, so that man and woman may live together in an atmosphere of love, mercy, harmony, co-operation, mutual advice and tolerance, and lay the foundation for raising a Muslim family in a nurturing, sound environment. The Holy Qur'aan has described, in the most moving and eloquent terms, this eternal, natural relationship between man and woman, which is filled with tranquility, security, love, understanding and compassion : [Al-Qur'aan Surah Ar-Rom 30 verse 21 - And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] : verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.]."

"Marriage is a union of souls, in the deepest sense. Allah, the Almighty joins these two souls together so that they may enjoy tranquillity and stability in a marital home filled with sincere love and compassionate mercy. In Islam, the righteous woman is viewed as one of the joys of this life, and a great blessings to a man, for he comes home to her and relaxes after facing the struggles of life, and finds with her incomparable peace, comfort and pleasure. The prophet (s.a.w.) spoke only the truth said : 'This world is just a temporary convenience, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.' - Shahih Muslim - Islam regards marriage very highly, and views femininity as something to be valued and cherished."

I agree wholeheartedly with the view. Indeed I had experienced such blessings with the taste of the best comfort in this world. I'd enjoyed the incomparable peace, comfort and pleasure in my late wife for more than 24 years. Though, it had been taken away from me, I pray that Allah gives me the strength to exercise patience in going thru the journey of my life, with many tests along the way, no doubt. Surely, the passing of my wife was one of the many tests that was ordained on me. Life must go on, and the experiences of trials and tribulations, successes and failures will be lessons learned to increase my consciousness towards Allah. I pray for Allah's guidance and mercy to cause me to do good deeds and obey His commands.

Islam strongly encourages marriage, to complete the nature of human kind who were created in pairs. While it is not a sin to remain single, I should know that marriage has its many advantages to repel evil and gain virtues.

In an effort to meet someone special without the involvement of third party, many singles today used the internet to avail themselves in the virtual environment. I had also in recent months joined the party. In this brief period involving myself in the "soul mate searching" activity, at times I found it to be a futile effort as some whom I met on-line were not truthful and those I think were honest and sincere seemed cautious and skeptical towards me, and you can't blame them. But most disappointing was finding people who "hang out" in the matrimonial website just want to be friendly and had no serious intention to be "matched", and some even gave false hope to true and sincere souls who were searching for potential partners. Obviously, they were clueless of the main objective of such matrimonial or match-making websites or simply don't understand the language well enough to define the word. Well, in some other more unfortunate event, which I read from some reports, there were deliberate cheats who preyed on wandering souls in the virtual world with many of their convincing stories told over the net. At one point, I thought may be this isn't a good way to look for a partner, not only you will meet undesirable characters but it can be a very tedious process of screening your potential soul mate and by the time you realise she's not right for you or you for her, a big part of your life has "passed away", especially when you are in an advanced age group (40 and above). By that time, many exchanges would have taken place, some may be unnecessarily conveyed, and regrets can be the most torturing experience. But again, I thought that was just a matter of choice, in that you can make it clear from the beginning, start with honest introduction - reveal what is necessary, and if it is not accepted by the other party don't dwell on it, back off and leave. Perhaps it would not be a good idea to be too long hiding in the cloud of the virtual environment communicating with each other through chats and e-mails because really that will not provide a good opportunity to assess the individual character of a person. You will need to see the real person, and the internet perhaps at best provide the start (or rather the intro). But then again, I realised its not that simple. How could you expect someone to believe whatever you said and then start dating?.....Seems to be back to square one just like I thought in the beginning, inevitably having to go through the process of screening via the internet. However, I am not sure if investing your time on the long process of screening your potential partners or be subjected to screening through virtual environment would be a better option. Well, what could be other better ways to do it, I wondered. Anyway, there are many good lessons I learned from this short "adventure" in the virtual world. Indeed, one must be blessed to meet someone in the virtual environment and eventually live together in harmony in the real world. So, for those who persevere and continue to search for a matching soul in the virtual world, I say good luck.

For me, I'm taking a break from this activity and take my leave from the "Virtual - second life" and pay more attention to the reality of my physical second life. And the best is to leave to our Creator Who has charted our journey and destination. On our part, we have to exercise patience and be steadfast in applying islamic knowledge in our everyday life. What we want and don't get, may be that is better for us. And if we get something we don't really desire, that may also be good for us. All that we receive from Allah have wisdom worth pondering and we should not cultivate a habit of haste in our hearts. Like the saying goes "haste makes waste", so don't be quick to reject what has been bestowed upon us, as we are more likely to make mistakes and end up with regretable outcome for decision made without giving due consideration and time to reflect.

I am not sure whether I have acted in haste in many things I did in the past or even now. May Allah has mercy on me, guide me and increase my wisdom and cause me to make the right choices in life.