Death is ordained - You'll never know when the end is near

I realize that everyday, time passes so fast and I can sense the increase of my age on every new day. I get use to the mixed felling of sad and happy to begin the day. Happy to see the sun and have the opportunity to do good deeds as investment for the hereafter and sad to know that my life is shortened by a day. And the thought that I will die the next minute has always been creeping in my mind whenever I had uneasy feeling about my health. The worry about what is going to happen to my three younger children after I passed on just makes me feel more uneasy and unsettle. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward live event so that my children can grow faster and be independent in my current situation, status quo. But again I would be much older by the time they grew up, for me to do anything what is left to do for myself.

The "untimely death" of many people I knew, some close to me, makes me more conscious of the certainty of Allah's promise of death being ordained and that no one can stop when the day comes and that no living soul knows the coming of the day.

This reminds me of a poem which I read when I was 15 years old, some 35 years ago. I like to share the interesting poem with a title "Wherever you are, death will find you out"

This is the tale of an Average Man,
Who acts contrary to Allah's plan
If you are reflected herein,
Then repent and commit no sin.

It was early in the morning at four,
When death knocked upon a bedroom door,
"Who is there?" the sleeping one cried,
"I am 'Izra'il, let me inside."

At once, the man began to shiver,
As one sweating in deadly fever,
He shouted to his sleeping wife,
"Don't let him take away my life."

"Please go away, O Angel of Death!
Leave me alone, I'm not ready yet,
My family on me depend,
Give me a chance, O please perpend!"

The Angel knocked again and again,
"Friend! I'll take your life without a pain,
It is your soul that Allah require,
I come not with my own desire."

Bewildered, the man began to cry,
"O Angel, I am so afraid to die,
I'll give you gold, and be your slave,
Don't send me to the unlit grave."

"Let me, in, O Friend!" the Angel said,
"Open the door get up from your bed,
If you do not allow me in,
I will walk through it, like a Jinn."

The man held a gun in his right hand,
Ready to defy the Angel's stand
I'll point my gun towards your head,
You dare come in, I'll shoot you dead."

By now the Angel was in the room,
Saying, "O Friend! prepare for your doom,
Foolish man, Angels never die,
Put down your gun and do not sigh."

"Why are you afraid! tell me O Man,
To die according to Allah's plan?
Come smile at me, do not be grim,
Be happy to return to Him."

"O Angel! I bow my head in shame,
I had no time to take Allah's name,
From morning till dusk, I made my wealth,
Never even caring for my health."

"Allah's commands, I never obeyed,
Nor five times a day, I ever prayed,
A Ramadan came and Ramadan went,
But no time had I to repent."

"The Haj was already Hard on me,
But I would not part with my money,
All charities, I did ignore,
Taking usury, more and more."

Sometimes I sipped my favourite wine,
With flirting women I sat to dine,
O Angel! I appeal to you,
Spare my life for a year or two."

The laws of Qura'an, I'll obey,
I'll begin to Solat, this very day,
My fast and Haj, I will complete,
And keep away from self-conceit."

"I will refrain from usury,
And give all my wealth to charity,
Wine and wenches I will detest,
Allah's Oneness I will attest."

"We Angels do what Allah demands,
We cannot do against His Commands,
DEATH is ordained for everyone,
Father, mother, daughter and son,"

"I'm afraid, this moment is your last,
Now be reminded, more of your past,
I do understand your fears,
But it is now too late for tears."

"You lived in this world two score or more,
Never did you your people adore,
Your parents, you did not obey,
Hungry beggars you turned away."

"Your two ill-gotten female off springs,
In night clubs, livelihood they sing,
Instead of making more Muslims,
You made your children non-Muslims."

"You ignored the Muazzin's Azan,
Nor did you read the Holy Qur'an,
Breaking promises all your life,
Backbiting friends, and causing strife."

"From hoarded goods great profits you made,
And your poor workers, you underpaid,
Horses and cards were your leisure,
Money-making was your pleasure."

"You ate vitamins, and grew more fat,
With the very sick you never sat,
A pint of blood, you never gave,
Which could a little baby save."

"O Human, you have done enough wrong,
You bought good properties for a song,
When the farmers appealed to you,
You did not have mercy, it's true."

"Paradise for you? I cannot tell,
Undoubtedly you will dwell in hell,
There's no time for you to repent,
I'll take your soul, for which I'm sent."

The ending, however, is very sad,
Eventually, the man became mad,
With a cry he jumped out of bed,
And suddenly, he fell down dead.

O Reader, take a moral from here,
Never know your end may be near,
Change your living and make amends,
For Heaven, on your deeds depend.

(This poem is woven around the Qura'anic verse in suratun Nisa - 4:78)
Extracted from "Muslim News" - August 1974.

Missing my other half....

5 June 1982 was a very historical day for me. At 23 years old I married my wife who just turned 20 about 6 weeks before the wedding and we were both excited and passionate about each other on our first night and the passion never died for more than 24 years in happy marriage bearing 5 children over the years. The day marked the moment I felt complete as a person having a wife to fullfil my needs as I was fulfiling her's. I enjoyed being a husband to my wife and a father to our children. We had a wonderful married life. Being married to a virtuous woman is indeed a blessing from the Almighty Allah who completes you as a human being He created in pairs, giving you peace and harmony living in this temporary world.

15 June 2006 was the fateful day I like to forget with much difficulty. It marked the beginning of my journey walking on the face of this earth feeling half of me is gone. Three years had gone by and the sadness of remembering the fateful day at times are quite overwhelming. The reality of living without the comfort of my wife hit me hard at times, making my body weak and eyes weep. Life is very different without a partner to talk to, when you once had for a long time. Sometimes I find difficulty to sleep and often kept myself busy doing something like office work, surfing the net, reading or do night prayer just to avoid the loneliness that often triggers the memory to flash the good old days and then caused me to feel sad and cry. Well, writing in my blog, like now, help me unbottle the sad feelings in loneliness, as if I was "talking" to someone (in the virtual world who have no idea who I am). I guess writing in my blog is a good outlet for me to channel out my grievances. Of course being a practising Muslim, I am very much in control of my situation. One interesting lesson I learned from reading the book by Mitch Albom title "Tuesdays with Morrie" was that in life it is okay to let yourself slide into your gloomy world of sadness in reminiscing the past as long as you are in control to pull yourself back to the world of reality and get on with your life. And that also makes you feel more human and more conscious of the existence of the Almighty Allah, knowing your limitations and weaknesses.

I suppose it is time for me to move on and start looking for my other "half" in the real world so that I can escape the misery of being in the state of loneliness that often caused me to slide into my gloomy world of sadness thinking of my previous "half" that has left this physical world of reality...May Allah guides me and cause me to make the right choices.