A slice of my life - Marriage

How times fly!. Its been more than 23 years since I got married. I'm nearing half a century old now. Looking back, I felt a sense of satisfaction having been to the road of my life. I have my ups and downs, but I must say that there is no regret of any sort for marrying a fine lady of my mother's choice who bore me 5 lovely and healthy children. We started our family at a very young age, I was 23 and my wife was 20 years old.

We came from a very diverse and different background, a totally different culture. At the beginning, communication is a challenge, English is spoken to bridge the gap, often finding difficulty to express profound thought as we travel the journey of our lives. Perhaps the most significant characteristic of our married life is our tolerance and respect for each other.

Disagreement is inevitable in a relationship, especially ours that started with many cultural differences. I can see how much my wife did in order to please me over the years tolerating my idiosyncrasies and so did I on hers.

Argument seems like a form of releasing frustration which we often had but was managable. We grew and developed the ability to smell trouble when argument got heated up. We learned to back off and create a space to cool off and soon find ourselves kissing and making up. I must admit that it could be confusing at times for the children to see us.

There are wonderful moments we shared. I remember one night we strolled along the esplanade by the seaside during our tenth wedding anniversary just the two of us talking about our lives and family and what we want for the children. Well, what do you know? We got our third child the next year. That's 10 years apart after our first one. We are really blessed now that we have 5 healthy children who are 22, 21, 12, 6 and 4 years of age.

To me marriage is a commitment. Its not just love, a feeling that comes and go. The choice of getting into marriage life is a big one. If we are to base our decision to get married purely on lovely feelings, then the marriage would probably not last. Love is also an art and it can be learned. When mastered, the act of loving will rejuvenate diminishing lovely feeling. Therefore marriage is also about being committed to learn how to love and not to marry simply by falling in love. Think about it........

Hope

I've heard of the blog quite sometime back and did'nt really go into it like I did today. While the blog are used by millions of people for various reasons and objectives, I find it most sad to read postings from younger people who expressed their emotions, for the world to see, in the crudest way with unreserved vulgarity in the open. Nevertheless, I thought that technology has provided avenues for educated younger generation to release their frustration and anger in such form and get on with their lives. That is a good thing too!.

However, I hope their "inappropriate" postings at the time of anguish and immaturity could be re-visit and ammended at an approriate time to reflect their true feelings in a more dignified form and language for the world to see. The true writings of a personal diary written in a dignified manner could also serve as lessons for others to learn.

I feel that our behaviours and mindsets are very much influenced by our surroundings; the people we interact with, the places we are in and in this computer age, the websites we visited too mould our thinking and how we respond or react to situation. Because these things change daily, weekly, monthly or yearly we can expect not to be constant in the way we behave and think. I sometimes have regrets of things that I did in the past. But life goes on and I learn new things along the way. My ability to adapt to new situation and make changes as quick as I can has indeed helped me to live a happy live, so far.

I have grown up children whom I believed had been given adequate education and training to get on with their lives. But having taken care of them for more than 2o years since they were born, it was indeed very difficult to let them go. They have been extremely obedient children and coped well under my strict regimental upbringing. I am now learning to accept them as they are, a full grown individual who have minds of their own, having to live their own lives, and hope that they make all the right choices and continue to live a happy lives.