Found my other half

It all began in mid 2008. I started looking for a mate in a matrimonial website after much encouragement and persuasion from friends and relatives to consider getting married again after loosing my wife of 24 years in an accident in Jun 2006. It was also a deeper thought that prompted me to consider marriage not only for myself but for my two younger children who are deprived of motherly love and care at a very young age. Coupled with my declining ability to cope with their academic need, I decided that it was time to actively look for a suitable life partner who will compliment my effort to continue living a decent family life. And more importantly marriage offers me peace and tranquility to grow old with someone who love and care for me. And so the journey began....

I want to record this event while it is still fresh in my mind so that the difficulty of looking for a suitable soul mate and the joy of finding one will always be reflected as it was.

I remember joining the matrimonial website for the first time in mid 2008 as a free member, being very cautious and apprehensive about revealing my identity. And as a free member I could only get to read the email and chat with the paying female members. Soon I realised that I had no choice of my own being a free member as I was subjected to women who called the shot, because they were the ones paying the bill so they choose who they want to chat with or bother to read the mails or reply them. Not long after, I took a bold step of joining as paid member and put up my profile and post my picture describing my true identity in the hope I'll get response from female members who were truly thinking of building a family. Well, I also realised the predicament I was in, having 5 children of varying ages and my advanced age nearing half a century, not an attractive profile to start with.

I started being a paid member for a month and during that period I chatted with several female members, mostly singles from Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia. I set my criteria and adhered strictly to it. I first look at the picture to find if it is pleasing to the eye, and then the profile making sure that they are unmarried single, one who has no "baggage" preferably. I gave it a miss to the profiles which have no photos. In the beginning I was naive and didn't realise that some women described their status as single but they were married before and divorced. I may seemed biased, but I knew too well and seen too many ladies in such situation having trouble with marriage and to get involved with them would be almost certain to get yourself in trouble having to deal with your own baggage and hers. Well, we are living in this time of "Jahiliah" and who could blame me?. So I avoid it from the start. There are many occassions I met such women on the website but we only lasted after one or two chats. Some even were flirting in the website while still in the process of separation, but declared single in their profile. But there are also many seemingly good ladies out there, but I find difficulty to connect with them.

Interestingly, I had several candidates to consider in my pursuit, but indeed there was only one that stands out and remain to be significantly different from the rest till the end.

I remember distinctly how I chatted with that one member, called Z, who is single and had never marrried before. And on that first chat we went on for hours until the wee hours in the morning. She was listening to all my stories, of course they were true, and seemed so touched. I asked her if she would consider marrying a guy like me and she said she probably would, but she had to be sure. We left it at that, just a chat getting to know sort of thing.

Well, we got to chat again a couple of times later and she shared with me about her ailing father and we exchange emails. We became friends over the net and shared life experiences from time to time. My effort in looking for life partner continued during this period and I met many women and engaged in many chats mostly ended up with no match. Of course by the time Z has been in my favourite. Over time I found a couple more women who I put them in my favourite folder in the website. But I always favoured Z most and that over the entire period I actually found no one matched Z's profile which met most of my criteria. I almost gave up the effort to look for a partner in the website and took a long break before I came back. And when I came back to chat again, this time I communicated with many Middle Eastern women as I just took up Arabic lessons during weekends. Well, from time to time I contacted others who had been in my favourite list, including Z. I remember sending her an e-mail in Aug 08 to find out how she was doing. She didn't reply until Oct 08, and informed me that her father passed away one week before. From then on we communicated thru email and I had been writing to her giving advise in coping with difficult times and she responded taking me more like her elder brother, which of course upset me. Because I was really trying to woo her, but she did not see that, obviously. And of course I didn't really know how to do(woo)that.

I remember sending her email in Nov 08 and did not get a reply until Feb 2009 with an e-mail that angers me, of course I did not show her how I felt. In her email she tried to matchmake me with her newly found friend in her new workplace. There was a long pause since then and in Jun 09 somehow I bumped into her in the chatline of the matrimonial website and told her my plan to visit Kuala Lumpur and suggested that we should meet for the first time since we got to know each other thru the website about a year ago. She agreed and gave me her mobile phone number. I met her on 19 Jun 09 at Petaling Jaya. She was with her two female friends and I with my two younger children. We had dinner at the nearby Secret Recipe's restaurant and for the first time we had person-to-person talk, both were "chapperoned". I didn't really know what to talk about, but the presence of my two children was good to strike a conversation when I got stuck. We left after that but I called her mobile soon after and arranged for another meeting the next day. We brought the kids to Sunway Pyramid and let them skate on ice while we talked by the side. I began to have a good feeling for her and hope that all will turns out well. But I was cautious and didn't want to commit.

We continued our communication thru yahoo chatline and became more and more attracted to each other. The efforts to get to know each other intensified. We met again in Johor Bahru on 25 Jul 09 and that was the defining moment for both of us. I expressed my interest in her and she responded positively.
I visited her again in Aug 09 and met her siblings on 9 Aug 09 and informed them of our plan to get married.

It has been a trying moment for me in getting a life partner. First, the tiring effort looking for suitable partner and then having to deal with the love ones at home. When I broke the news about my intention to get married, there was resentment among my older children. Their feeling were understandable and they needed time to adjust but I couldn't tell them earlier because I wasn't sure then. Alhamdulilah, by Allah's grace my older children are more enlightened and eventually they concur with me. I now have the full support of all my children and are quite ready to go ahead with the plan to get married.

Z and I had agreed on many things about what to expect in marriage as we talked about it. She seems ready and so am I.

I began to invest my time on her and build the emotional banking (EB) to ensure that we have good start building a strong foundation of good and lovely feeling for each other that will stand the test of time. On 15 Aug 09 I bought a diamond ring and booked a flight to KL to present to her the next day. It was given to her as an engagement ring, a day before her birthday. We were planning to marry on the first day of Jan next year, giving ourselves some time to make adjustments to our daily norms making space to accomodate new person in our lives.

We certainly have no idea what is in store for us in the future. I believe that whatever happens it will be the outcome of our efforts making it happens, of course with the permission of the Almight Allah s.w.t.

To my newly found love, Z, may Allah protect us and give us good health and everlasting happiness. Ameen.

With Allah's blessings, I am very excited and happy having found my other half and hope that it will end in marriage to complete me, insyaAllah.