To love is to obey...?

I posted on the blog my thoughts on the subject marriage on 26 Jun 05. Coincidentally, I read an interesting article on the same subject published in Singapore local tabloid, Today, two days later. The author, Frances Ong Hock Lin, wrote of her experience commenting that her successful marriage is very much credited to her obedience towards her husband of 17 years, concluding that to love is to obey. Not surprisingly, it became a hot topic with responses, both negative and positive, from other readers of the tabloid. On 2 July 05 the tabloid's Voices column editor, Yvonne Lim, published a commentary based on Frances' article with a catchy title "submission: choice or trap?" reflecting some of the responses of other readers, both for and against the idea of submission.

In my earlier posting entitled "A slice of my life - marriage", I mentioned that marriage is a commitment. To me commitment is a state of being bound emotionally and intellectually to your spouse : a profound commitment to the family. I strongly believe that my wife share similar notion. Though she might not articulate it in words I could sense our agreement on this marriage attribute : commitment, that has kept us going happily for that past 23 years and looking forward to many more happier years ahead and till death do us part, god willing.

I guess it all has to do with individual character and upbringing. How we live our lives, how we analyse situations and experiences and the philosophy we adopt mould our character as an individual.

It is almost impossible to find a perfect match in marriage, where both husband and wife share everything similar. Same interest, same attitude, same mood etc..etc.. The secret of successful marriage really is the ability of both individuals to tolerate each other. And that is the reason why we have to really give a serious thought before taking that mammoth step into the world of marriage or you could end up feeling trapped. The choice is not so much about submitting to your spouse. To start your marriage in that premise would be a sure disaster. Indeed we can never know the true character of our spouse prior to the marriage. So, there isn't any guarantee that you will end up as a perfect couple after the wedding. You have to be ready to commit: commit to your responsibility as a husband/wife, commit to your responsibility as a father/mother, and commit to your responsibility as a respected member of your community. With such commitment, we strive to make our marriage successful, adjusting ourselves along the way, increasing our level of tolerance for each other. You will realise that with such commitment, you allow yourself and your spouse to grow and be free to make choices in your journey together. No doubt you will have differences and disagreement but the strong sense of commitment will help you stay focus and always be able to find solutions to resolve issues.

What does this all mean? It means that marriage is not an eternal union made in heaven. You can make it lasting if you want to. Its very much your choice. There is always a way out, and that is divorce, god forbids.